That you can, nobody can stop you.”
One of the things I got for the house was a shed
because it didn’t come with a garage and it already had the foundation done and
I could get that. And so I got six two
by fours if I can’t buy it, why don’t I build it. And so that’s my goal. I
got some already done on the shed. I
used to feel like that, yeah I did, but now you know, it’s instilled in me that
I can. Well, [silence] let’s
see got married in Chicago, traveled around a lot got divorced, ended up
getting married again and divorced, and then I ended up in Iowa because my
brother was up there in Fairfield, Iowa and I ended up in Iowa for fifteen
years. And then that’s were I actually
-um, that’s where I conceived Meagan you know and it wasn’t really a good thing. I mean she’s a good thing. But that was like a real stressful thing and
that’s how I ended up leaving. I
actually probably left half the stuff on the drive way, got everything packed
up, headed down here to Tennessee to stay with my sister, and that’s how I was
going to start over, and that’s probably the whole beginning of this
story. That’s how I was going to start
over.
I could have gone back to the job that I um, I was a
printer, I could have gone back to being a printer. In fact I did go in for like I think one week and I said “Na, Na,
I can not do this, I have to do better.”
So that’s what I thought. I
really have to make a change here.
And
see I got motivated. You’re left behind
or you’re left alone or whatever happens and you’re devastated and you gotta
figure out how to make all of the payments.
It’s like you need someone [ha], like the ladies, Judy and all them and the Families
First. Like you need someone like that
to come in [swoop] and you
know its almost like, you know, grabbing you and pulling you up and saying you
know, you know: “We can help you get up when you think there’s no hope. And its like I don’t know how to do this and
that was the thing I mean its like they gave you that boost, and if you can
stop being angry [huh] at what ever happened to you or whoever did what or
you feel victimized and that whole thing if you could just put that aside,
check that aside and change your attitude and let them help you.
Yeah they help with the child care, you know, they
help me, you know, I found a child care that would like kind of on the way,
they help that with the payments and I signed for programs and all that stuff
so I signed up for everything they had and I qualified for a lot of that, and
so they help with they school funding and that was the whole beginning of all
this I mean it’s great, I mean from where I went and leaving stuff up there, to
coming down here and going through all that, going back to school, and getting
a good job, and then ending up at the house was like, it’s like it’s something
anybody can do but you believe it, you know, until it happens to you and then
you’re like I did it, you know. To get
on that bus and go to Dickson because you know, I didn’t know anything about
this area, and I got on this bus with a bunch of girls who didn’t know
either.
And
driving this - the lady’s driving us to Dickson, which I didn’t know where it
was and you know, [silence] and actually at some point I almost didn’t wanna go
and I guess I should say that because it was scary because I am older than
probably any the girls going through that.
I’m fifty-two now, and you know, it’s like, you know, like even when
they’re in their twenties and their thirties and like “God my whole world is
crushing in and I can’t make it”, you know, so when that did me somewhere in my
forties I just knew, you know, this can’t be, you know, that was my thought
this, you know, I’m like them I’m in the same boat, I’m where they’re at, and
um, you know, I’m gonna pull myself up.
It’s good to know, I mean, it’s good being in a group with all the other
women because one of the things that happens is when you’re in the middle of
the thing you tend to more or less be alone or you’re around those other people
that, um would be co-dependent, will keep you down there where you’re at so,
you know, when you get involved in this you break away from them and you start
learning about those great words of co-dependency and all that. And you learn. You know that they aren’t going to help a whole lot that you
know, you learn that you break-away you offered all the survivor skills and all
that. It’s like you cannot afford to
pass it up. It’s like, almost like the
rumors. Like you have the right to say no.
I feel like you have the right to make the salary that the man make, you have
the right, you have the right to have anything you want and, you know,
as far as, as far as you understanding that, or changing your attitude and
you’re saying, you know, “it’s all mine“ and I never knew that, you know. And if someone you know like the husband is
abusing, like in situations like, you know, they have the right to get out of
there, they have the right to be treated well, I made, I guess because that one
is stuck in my mind, I made I don’t know how many copies of that
Woman’s Bill of Rights and handed them out to other ladies saying, you
know, “hello”, you know “in case nobody told you, there it is.” You know, it’s being like, um uh, a tornado,
it really went through a lot of stuff real fast, but somewhere along the line whether
it had to do with going through all the classes or not, I’m learning to hang in
there and to let somebody help you cause you really can’t do it on your own,
you know, and when you’re down and you got family and everybody that knows the
whole story, you know, like sometimes that’s not real good, you know, your best
friend knows all this stuff, and it’s like “Oh my God, poor you” and you really
don’t need that, actually what you need is like, you need the other end, you
need [shwoo] the
people underneath you pushing you up saying “yeah you can make it”.
I finished the school over at Tennessee Tech, and I
didn’t have a job lined up, you know, some people did and I didn’t. I went, I been looking, I kept in touch with
the unemployment agency, that’s how that started, and she called and said
“Nissan is hiring”, and I went back to where I went to school and to the
teacher and talked to him and he said “I know that job”, he said “they actually
sent a thing over” and I said “I’m going to go on out there and try that” cause
I was thinking that would be a good place to work. I had that attitude at that point, that there wasn’t anything
that I couldn’t do, and so once, once you get empowered that way, that you
can, nobody can stop you!
You know, I never thought I could get this house and my sister’s husband, you know, he’s a good guy and man they helped me through everything, and when I had told them I was buying a house he was like “Yeah sure!” he would not even talk about it, he would not because he was like ”you just got the job out at Nissan”, he was like “there’s now way you can go from nothing, go from welfare and all that, you know, and you know, he said “cause you know they’re gonna check, you won’t get qualified for that house”, but I did. It was a long haul, you know, and it’s mine. Unbelievable. Actually I remember back then when they were saying “you have to sign up for this or your out” and I said “Oh no right” it was almost overwhelming. And at the time they didn’t realize that, what they were giving me cause I haven’t been through it, but I can tell them now like, you know, you’re not going to regret it. It’s not a punishment, you know it’s kind of like, if they’re, if they get in to this welfare or whatever and they’re thinking “I have to go do this”, it’s not a punishment. It is a gift being given to them, I mean, you don’t get opportunities like this where, you know people pay hundreds of dollars to go to these seminars and somebody is giving you this saying “go through this, they are going to give you this, go through this they are even going to help them with their child care or whatever so they can go to school, they are going to help you. If you pass that up it would be a real sorry thing. Cause it’s one thing, like when one door closes, another one opens, I mean they’re opening a big door. You better walk through that.